Today we have the fabulous funny, and slightly spider-obsessed with a penchant for freaky feet, Tom Clempson with us to answer the Fifteen Friday! Tom is the author of the ridiculously hilarious novel, One Seriously Messed up Week in the Otherwise Mundane and Uneventful Life of Jack Samsonite. Go check it out! But first, read his responses to the questions!
1. Last movie watched?
X Men First Class. It absolutely wee-weed all over X Men Last Stand (not very difficult). I quite liked it. But James Mcavoy has got quite an annoying face and a really small mouth. Michael Fassbender has got a REALLY big mouth (check out his mental grin when he moves the satellite dish)! Bigmouth smallmouth. That concludes my review.
2. Favourite meal?
Savoury Yorkshire. I’m not sure if this exists anywhere outside of my Mum’s kitchen, but it is frickin amazing! It’s a bunch of veg (onion, potato, carrot, peas) all baked into a massive Yorkshire Pudding. (Em's note: My mum made this too!)
3. Mac or PC?
Hmmmm. I’ve spent my entire life as a devout PCian, hating the restrictions, price and downright arrogance of Macs, but my wife, my iPhone and my snail-slow PC are slowly turning me to the Mac side. If only they didn’t cost SO DAMN MUCH!
4. On average, how many books do you read a year?
I’m very irregular. Sometimes I will read loads, sometimes I will read barely anything. Last year I read two whole books (not including the ones I was writing), and one of them was Diary of a Wimpy Kid (mostly pictures). But I was very busy! If I read three books this year I will be very pleased with myself.
5. Left or right handed?
Right. I’m not sure I can really elaborate much more on that. Left hands are good too though. I use it for less important stuff, like typing the letters q,w,e,r,t,a,s,d,f,g,z,x,c,v and accidentally hitting the Caps Lock key and not realising until two paragraphs later.
6. What would your superpower be?
Bullshit. Not literally. I wouldn’t hurl bovine poo or anything. But I am quite good at talking crap. It’s what I do when I feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. It’s my first line of defence.
7. Tea or coffee?
Coffee. Nearly always, coffee. I generally only drink tea if I don’t feel well.
8. What’s your worst habit?
Bullshit. Not literally, I don’t fling bovine poo in an absent minded fashion. But sometimes I don’t know when to stop talking crap, and sometimes I talk the wrong type of crap to the wrong people and either annoy the hell out of them or highly offend them (generally only people who are offended by bovine poo though).
9. Earliest memory?
My earliest memory is of a dream I had as a baby. In my dream I was in my play pen in the hallway of our old house. A blackbird flew in through the back door, perched on my shoulder, then clamped its beak to my earlobe. I cried out for help but no one came. I was only two when we moved out of that house so I don’t have any real life memories of it other than throwing my big brother’s Peter Rabbit mirror down the stairs and making him cry. That is my first memory of remorse and generally feeling like a shit. He assures me he holds no grudges about it.
10. What noise do you love/hate?
If I take that question literally then the answer is chewing food. I love/hate that noise. I love purposely chewing really loudly to gross out my wife, but I hate other people doing it for real. I also used to have a real thing about brushing teeth.
Winter. It is the home of Christmas, New Year, my birthday, walks in the snow, cosy evenings by the fire, those amazing eternal sunsets that give everything a purple haze. But it does drag on a bit too long. By February I’m kind of fed up with it, so when Spring finally comes along I trick myself into believing that that one’s my favourite because of all the colour and life and wotnot. But then I just want proper sunshine and blah, blah, blah… I like them all, and I’m constantly impressed that, even after 32 years of them, they still manage to surprise me – “It’s 11pm and it’s still light!” or “It’s only 3pm and it’s going dark!” or “Summer’s almost over and we still haven’t had any sun!”
12. Optimist or pessimist?
I’m ALWAYS optimistic! But it won’t last.
13. Last song you listened to?
Something from the latest Winnie The Pooh movie soundtrack, we had it on in the car for my daughter. Oh! No! It was ‘When Love is Gone’ from the Muppets Christmas Carol. My daughter insisted on listening to the entire album when I put her to bed. She’s obsessed with that film.
14. What 3 items would you take with you on a desert island?
Avoiding any ‘clever’ answers like “a boat!” I would take a knife, a guitar, and my notebook (my notebook always has a pen attached to it, so those two things count as one). I’m figuring I’ll eventually get good enough at starting fires that taking matches and a torch would be a waste of items. I’m thinking more of entertainment. Instead of having to choose what music, books, films to take, I would make sure I had what I needed to write my own. The knife would be for general survival stuff.
15. If you could interview anyone from any point in time, who would it be and why?
I really do not have a clue! That’s quite sad isn’t it? It would be someone amazing. Probably someone dead (but they would have to be alive for the duration of the interview. Obviously). They would also have to have a high tolerance for bullshit.